The Sasquatch Knife, the Primitive Tool of Canada's Favourite Cryptid
The sasquatch is a noble beast, one that has roamed the Western side of North America for countless centuries. The name derives from the Salish word se’sxac, which hints at a history dating back long before European colonists arrived on Turtle Island.
Much important anthropological work has been done documenting the lives, history, and mating habits of the wild sasquatch, and yet those studies seem to miss a key component of daily life for our hairy cousins - cooking. It’s a little-known fact that sasquatch are one of the few cryptids that prepare food in a kitchen, with only the West Virginia Mothman, Japanese Oni, and certain gnome cultures that prepare their meals in a method similar to humans. I’ve heard Oni enjoy a good braise, while Mothman predictably prefers a traditional midwestern casserole.
A modern re-creation of a traditional Sasquatch kitchen.
Credit: The Sasquatch Re-Enactment Society of Surrey
The Sasquatch kitchen is simple compared to our own, featuring the essential tools and seasonings, with little else. Frequent flavours include wild mushrooms, juniper berries, a variety of pine products and edible wildflowers. Cookware is equally limited to a basic set of essentials; an earthenware pot for boiling, a flat, heavy stone for sauteeing, a crude wooden spoon, and a hefty, multipurpose knife. Interestingly, they don’t use any manner of utensil besides a spoon for stirring. It’s said that sasquatch use their bare hands to flip food and feed themselves, not unlike a chef flipping steaks bare-handed on a grill. Sasquatch have exceptionally thick skin on their hands, likely making them very resistant to heat.
The heavy, curved kitchen knife used by the sasquatch is by far the most sophisticated tool used by Sasquatch. While they vary considerably, Sasquatch knives are characterized by a fairly straight spine, a dramatic curved blade, and an exceptionally thick, heavy blade. They’re usually handled with a simple piece of wood, giving them a significant forward balance. The most confounding aspect of the Sasquatch knife is that, when tested in a lab, they almost always seem to be forged from high-end Japanese knife steels such as SLD and stainless-clad aogami super. These steel are exclusively produced in Japan, and many sasquatch knife specimens far predate the creations of these steels. Some have speculated that billets of knife steel wash up on the shores of British Columbia and are then forged into kitchen blades by Sasquatch blacksmiths. More creative thinkers are convinced that the Sasquatch have developed some kind of dimension-spanning trade with the Japanese Kappa, trading wild Canadian cucumbers for these much sought-after blades. It’s unlikely we’ll ever know the full story.
A Sasquatch knife specimen on display at the Sasquatch Museum of Radium
Despite their unusual design, these blades excel at butchering animals caught by the Sasquatch, chopping roots and vegetables, and even crushing aromatic ingredients. As a peaceful species, it’s unlikely that these blades are ever used for violent means. Sasquatch knives are almost as rare as the sighting of the elusive sasquatch itself, but they do occasionally make their way into the hands of humans. When they do end up on the open market, they’re almost always snatched up by avid knife collectors and sasquatch advocates as they are outstanding examples of the rich Sasquatch culture. I have a couple in my personal collection, and I urge you to grab one as you likely won’t get the chance again.
Happy hunting!
Bevin Bent
Amateur Historian, Semi Professional Sasquatch Hunter
