Pie’lympics!

February 26, 2018 3 min read 0 Comments

Pie’lympics!

For no good reason we're doing a battle of the pies. We were inspired by recent online tournaments, the Winter Olympics, and the popularity of Kevin's dumb twitter polls in general. We were going to write a big introduction about why we are doing this, but it's all a front anyway. Really, it's a way for Kevin to procrastinate writing his book and a way for us to have some fun with our online pals. 

If you want to participate, (It's not like we all have better things to do than fight on the internet about pies, right?) be on the lookout for polls on @knifenerd's Twitter feed. You can keep track of the winners here. 

 

DIVISION A

Round 1 - Feb 26-27: Fruit 1
Despite a futile last minute sprint by Lemon Meringue, unsurprisingly Apple takes Round 1. 
 
Round 2 -Feb 27-28: Sugar
Another unsurprising victory. This is what happens when heavyweights fight welterweights. 
 
Round 3 -March 1-2: Berry 1
We thought we were immune in Canada. We were complacent. Now we are paying the price. Russian troll farms in the pocket of Big Rhubarb have skewed the results. To combat this Saskatoon has been given a bye into the finals. 
 
Round 4 - March 3-4: Misfits & Tarts
We aren't sure why Kevin has such a hate-on for the deliciousness of pumpkin pie, and apparently neither do his Twitter followers. That said, I need to try a slice of banoffee in the near future. It sounds lovely, and might be the only thing Margaret Thatcher and I would agree on
   
  

DIVISION B

Round 5 - March 5-6: Fruit 2
The first round of Division B was a relatively non-controversial affair with Key Lime winning easily. Let's all just bask in the calm before the storm that will be Round 6. I anticipate a fierce competition and a winner that, no matter who it is, has what it takes to go all the way. 
 
Round 6 - March 7-8: Cream

Well THAT was a horse race. All pies fought valiantly, but once again this round was not without its controversies. I think Coconut may have lost some votes by historically being the facilitator for many a pie-facing shenanigan. Also, when it was revealed that Boston Pie earned it's entry under false pretences, its support dropped off dramatically. 

 
Round 7 - March 9-10: Berry 2
I said it on Twitter and I'll say it again. Huckleberry only won because of Mark Twain's influencer marketing campaign. None of you have ever eaten a Huckleberry pie. None of you. 
 
Round 8 -March 11-12: Fictional
I found it hard to get excited about this competition. Kevin's bias was showing by not giving Tequila a legit flavour to pair with it. Gin gets Lemon, Bailey's gets Chocolate AND Espresso, Manhattan has it's Cherry. Tequila should have been given Lime. WHATEVER, it's his poll. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M BITTER ABOUT THIS OR ANYTHING.    
  

Semi Finals March 12-13

Division A Semifinals ended up being another tight horserace. It was tied right up until the last few minutes, but then Strawberry Rhubarb found its stride in the home stretch. I suspect most of those polled are from Canada, and Western Canada at that, so the results should not be too much of a surprise. If it was a U.S. audience the results would probably be different, but as it is Apple loses out. 
Division B Semifinals had a clear winner with Key Lime being way out in front. This competition also reinforced my theory that no one has ever eaten a Huckleberry pie. Interesting to note that both division champs have exceptionally tangy flavour profiles. 
  

FINALS March 13-14

STRAWBERRY RHUBARB vs. KEY LIME vs. SASKATOON

 

 

The people have spoken and Strawberry Rhubarb has come out on top. Truly the king of pies. Kevin will have to be happy with second best, as his pick has come up short. One thing is certain though, Saskatoon's second place showing vindicates its placement in the finals. Key Lime, while a delicious tropical treat, didn't have the graham crackers for the one-two punch of the proud prairie staples. Thank you for following along and voting. I think Kevin is done procrastinating now. At least we hope so, we need to get this GD book done. 

 

 

Mason Hastie
Mason Hastie

Mason's job is to make Knifewear and Kent of Inglewood look cool. Which is an easier job than it looks (don't tell Kevin) since both are much cooler than Mason. He enjoys owning knives that make him feel like a much better cook than he actually is, and looking at razors that make him wish he shaved more than once every five years.


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